Heathrow

For all the criticism that Heathrow cops, I really don’t think it’s that bad!

I’ve been through all the terminals there at some point in my life.  But seriously, it’s not nearly as bad as everyone seems to think it is.

So I admit that I’m a dual national.  I have an Australian passport and a British passport.  It’s the benefit of having 2 British parents!  It does make life easy when heading to Europe.  No long queues at immigration and no harassment by the immigration people asking me what I’m doing there.  I’m usually through immigration in under 5 minutes at Heathrow.

My bags have never gone missing even at the new T5 *touch wood*.  Sometimes they’re a little slow to come off the plane and hit the baggage carousel, but it’s not that bad.  I’m usually off the plane, through immigration, got my bags and on the Heathrow Express train to the city in under 20-25 minutes.

On the way back through Heathrow on the way out of the UK?  Checking in can be very slow and painful.  However I’ve found that depends entirely on who you’re flying with.  BA is sheer hell (and by default so is Qantas since they share the same check-in counters).  The lines are enormous since BA flies everywhere from Heathrow and you’re queuing up with people going to all far flung corners of the world.  However, flying JAL or Singapore Airlines etc. and you’re fine since they’re more or less just going to one destination.

Security screening?  There’s lines to clear security, no question about it.  But they move reasonably quickly and they’re efficient.  Not had a problem at any of the terminals before.

Shopping?  Awesome!  With the crappy exchange rate, shopping in the UK for Australians isn’t cheap to start with.  So getting stuff duty free at the airport is always a bonus.  The range is pretty good too no matter which terminal you’re at.  There’s plenty of food outlets of all descriptions.  There’s a few bars/pubs.  There’s plenty of souveneir type shops.  There’s plenty of luxury goods shops. They have all the usual suspects and then some!

Just a reminder to the Aussies who have to transit in Asia on the way home though…Wait till you hit Singapore/Bangkok/Kuala Lumpar/Hong Kong or wherever to buy your duty free alcohol.  They still have that rule in place about liquids on flights and you’ll likely get it taken off you at the airport in Asia when you go through transit screening.  It may have been relaxed a bit in Singapore from what I noticed recently, but I know it’s most definitely still in place in Hong Kong.

Flights leaving on time?  I don’t think I’ve ever been on a flight that’s left on time anywhere in the world.  Heathrow lives up to its reputation and is no exception.  From my experience, it’s no better or no worse than anywhere else though.  That being said, if you have to transit somewhere from the flight that leaves Heathrow, make sure you have 2-3 hours before your next flight leaves.  It does happen.  Sometimes you’ll only leave 15-20 minutes late.  Sometimes it’s a couple of hours.  I was on one flight that got held up last year because it was originally delayed for 30 minutes because it arrived late from elsewhere.  Then there was this older Muslim woman who thought that because the plane was late it meant that it must have had some kind of mechanical problem(s).  This woman then refused to board the plane because she thought it was going to crash, and she was in first class too!  I would have gladly taken her seat!  The BA staff and her travelling companion tried to explain the situation and talk her around, but she still refused to board the plane.  So due to security laws in the UK, that meant that the aircraft had to remove her luggage from the cargo hold.  By the time we’d gone through all of those fun and games, we left 2.5 hours late.  Luckily the layover I had in Singapore was 4 hours!

I admit that Heathrow has its problems.  But I don’t think it deserves the terrible reputation that it has.  It’s no worse than most other major international hubs.  Personally I think that LAX is the worst airport on the planet.  It wins that title hands down.

Cairns Airport

The site of my funniest (also most frustrating) run in with immigration officials.

When I was still a university student, one of my relatives in the UK passed away.  I flew over for the funeral with my mum, though we both ended up on separate flights because we booked on such short notice and everything was full.  I never gave it a second thought.  Returning back to Australia we both landed at Cairns airport within about half an hour of each other.  Sheer coincidence.  Problem is, I have an Australian passport and mum doesn’t.  Chaos ensued when I got hauled up by immigration officials, yeah, me, the one on the Australian passport got hauled up.  Got the whole “are you travelling with anybody?” speech.  I said no, since mum and I were on separate flights.  Mum said yes because by pure chance we’d run into each other at the immigration counters.  Not to mention I’d written on my arrival card that I was a student.  Why lie?  I was a student!  But then I get “how can you afford to fly to the UK for only 5 days in the middle of semester if you’re a university student? What were you doing there?“  I know they’re just doing their job and all, but honestly.  If I were trying to smuggle drugs or something, I would have come up with something much more original.  How do they know I don’t have rich parents to pay for this stuff?  And imagine my joy at having to drag up the fact I was there for a funeral of a family member.

It’s a very small terminal.  Shopping is limited to a duty free store that sells alcohol, cigarettes and beauty stuff.  Electronics type gear was practically non-existant.  There was a single food outlet.  And there was a tacky souveneir type store.  If you want duty free stuff and you’ve been in Cairns/North Queensland, buy it in town.  There are 50 million duty free shops in Cairns city that sell all your usual luxury goods/watches/jewellery.  Just claim the tax refund on the way out at the airport

Cairns airport is also relatively close to the city.  I’ve never had to catch a taxi out there myself, but I expect it wouldn’t cost much more than $20-25 or so to get a taxi from town.  And the domestic terminal is literally right next door.  It’s about a 5 minute walk from door to door.

Quarantine at Cairns is a bitch though because it is dominanted by tourists and not business people.  You get all these Asian tourists trying to take samples of coral and fruit whatnot in and out of the country.  Holds everyone up all the time.  I know they’re just doing their job and that it’s better to be safe than sorry, but it’s incredibly frustrating when you don’t have anything to declare and you just want to get out of there.

It’s my understanding that there is a Qantas lounge at the international terminal.  I’ve never used it though, so I can’t really comment.  If it’s anything like the one at Cairns domestic terminal though, it’s probably quite small with minimal facilities since most business people fly international through Brisbane and not Cairns.

I don’t hate the airport because of all of that, but it’s certainly not one of my preferred transit points.  It’s too small and it’s boring.  If you’re only there for an hour, it’s probably fine.  But when you’re transiting and have a long layover, it sucks.

Brisbane Airport

So despite also having separate domestic and international terminals, Brisbane has actually got its shit together.

There’s a train that runs between the terminals roughly every 10-15 minutes.  Which is free if you have your onward boarding pass.  Otherwise it’s about AU$3 or something each way.  It’s about a 2 minute train ride and drops you right outside either terminal.  There’s no big hike to get anywhere, just a couple of elevators.  If you’re heading to/from the airport from/to the city, then there’s a train that goes right in to the CBD.  One way ticket is like $12.  I’d do this rather than get a taxi, which can be insanely expensive.  You can always just get off the train in the city and catch a taxi from there.  Will work out much cheaper.  The trains from the airport also go directly to the Gold Coast if that’s your destination.  Not every train does, but I think they run every 90 minutes down the coast.  Also a much cheaper alternative!

International check-in is also pretty smooth.  At times I’ve had to fly on under 24 hours notice, so the customer service desk there holds on to your tickets for you since the airlines won’t issue e-tickets less than 72 hours before flying.  They’re great

There’s plenty of seating once you clear security.  And security is maybe the only downside I guess at Brisbane.  It’s a relatively busy airport for its size.  But they never seem to have enough staff at customs/immigration.  Either on the way in or on the way out.  The lines to pass security to the departure area are always long and painful.  The lines at immigration on the way back in to Australia are always painful, even if you’re travelling on an Australian passport and worse if you’re not.  Quarantine seems to move relatively quickly though which is good.

For the non-Aussies, clearing quarantine is compulsory in Australia.  Unlike many countries where you just go through the “I have nothing to declare” lane, here you have to go through quarantine screening.  Even if you have nothing to declare, your bags will still get screened after you pick them up so that they can make sure you’re not bullshitting them.  And don’t lie to the quarantine people!  If you have wood carvings, just admit it.  It’s not illegal to have them, you just need to declare it.  Worst case scenario if you declare them is that they’ll take them off you for spraying and you can collect them a few days later.  If you don’t declare them and you get caught, it’s an on the spot fine upwards of $220.  I’ve seen too many idiots lie to quarantine about having certain items.  I’ve brought in wood stuff and food when I come back.  I’m a sucker for certain foods I can pick up duty free in Singapore at the airport.  But I declare it, the quarantine people look at it and smile and let me keep it and that’s the end of that.  I’ve never had anything confiscated.  That little arrival card that you fill out when you’re on the plane to Australia is important.  Seriously, don’t lie.  It’s more trouble than it’s worth.

Shopping there is a bit average.  But also, it beats Perth hands down.  There’s plenty of food outlets.  There’s a much larger range of duty free booze/electronics/beauty stuff.  It sells duty free luxury goods, even if the range is limited, it’s still there.

The airport lounge for Qantas is quite nice and you get a good view over the departure area.  It’s not a bad place to lounge when you have a 6 hour layover.  Hey, we all try to avoid long layovers, but sometimes it’s impossible

Overall, while Brisbane has a small international terminal in comparison to many others around the globe, it’s a good airport.  It works well and it’s not an airport that I’d try to avoid travelling through in the future.

Perth International Airport

As distinct from Perth domestic airport, which is another story entirely.

So for a start, the international terminal in Perth (Australia, not Scotland), is not really anywhere near the domestic terminal.  It’s about another 15 minute drive from there.  Getting a taxi to the international terminal from the centre of town will cost roughly AU$40 if you don’t hit traffic, about AU$55 if you hit peak hour traffic.

The good?  Uhhh…I’m struggling to think of anything nice to say really.  Oh!  Immigration queues and quarantine queues are relatively short!  That is if you don’t land straight after the flights in from Bali and get stuck behind the 500 people who all brought back wood carvings that have to clear quarantine inspection.

The not so good?  Where to start? Getting a taxi.  You land at the airport after having travelled for the last 24+ hours.  You’re jetlagged.  You’re pissed off.  You just want to get home and crash.  So you go out to the taxi rank after clearing immigration and customs…Only to find there’s no taxis.  Which is so totally useful when 3 full flights just landed.  So then you spend the next 90 minutes waiting in a queue only to find your taxi driver doesn’t know where they’re going (despite the in car GPS).  So you can’t even have a nap in the taxi since you’re having to give the driver directions.  Though how the hell a taxi driver doesn’t know how to get to Subiaco from the airport is truly beyond me.  And unless you’re going to the CBD, there’s no airport shuttles or anything.  The taxi problem I suppose can largely be blamed on the taxi company.  But the complete lack of alternative transport (train/shuttle buses/public transport/other) is really a problem that Perth Airport needs to address as a matter of urgency.

Then lets go with the airport lounges.  I’m a Qantas FF who has Qantas Lounge access.  It would be nice if the lounge had more extended opening hours rather than simply opening it 2 hours before the next Qantas (OneWorld) flight leaves.  Honestly, I’d rather go over to the domestic terminal and use the lounge in there than use the one in the international terminal.  It is pathetically sub-standard.  This is a Qantas issue, but you would think that the airport would do something to get them to improve the situation.

Airport shopping?  Almost non-existant.  Pre-security screening there’s a few shops.  Mostly Australiana, a few food outlets, a newsagent and a tacky costume jewellery shop.  Post-security in the departure area?  Woefully inadequate.  Perth is in the strange situation that quite a few flights depart between midnight and 2am.  Apparently most of the shops figure that they don’t need to open at this time of night.  Despite flights leaving for Dubai, Hong Kong, Singapore…So seriously, be thankful to the shopping Gods if anything is open at that time of night other than the newsagent.  The newsagent/bookstore is ok, if not understocked.  It’s pretty small, so don’t expect much more than the current bestsellers and a few other popular titles.  They sell magazines and the usual snacks.

The coffee shop is the only place in the departure area to get food (unless you have airline lounge access, but then see my rant above about the Qantas lounge).  But be grateful if it’s open, or staffed.  There is a mini Eagle Boys (pizza place, compare with Pizza Hut) next to the coffee shop, but in all the times I’ve been through Perth airport, I’ve never once seen it open or staffed.  So I don’t know if it’s actually operating.  Other than that there are no food places in the departure lounge.

There’s Australiana type shops that sell the usual tacky souveneirs.  There’s a Rip Curl shop.  There’s a jewellery shop that sells the usual tourist souveneirs like opals and such.  There’s a duty free alcohol shop.  There’s duty free electronics shop (which I might point out has a seriously limited range of stock).  I wanted a spare battery for my DSLR, and lo and behold, they didn’t have any.  Don’t rely on them having what you want unless you call them beforehand to make sure they have it.  There’s duty free beauty stuff like perfume and makeup.  Though I wouldn’t buy it in Perth to be honest.  Buy it in Singapore.  Even with the current exchange rate, you’ll still get a much better deal in Asia.

And there’s no luxury goods store!  No Gucci!  No Louis Vuitton!  No Prada!  No nothing!  Ok, I realise that Perth isn’t a huge airport and couldn’t support standalone stores for all the usual suspects.  But would it be too much trouble to have even one sort of luxury goods store that sold any of that kind of thing?  That’s the kind of thing that people have some interest in buying duty free because of the sheer cost of it otherwise.  But to have nothing?

Lets just say that Perth international airport is in a pretty sad state of affairs.  It’s my understanding that they’re currently in the process of shifting the domestic terminal over to the international terminal.  Maybe with the increased number of passengers going through the future combined airport, the whole situation will improve.  But as it stands, I hate Perth international.  It’s a pain in the ass to get to.  It has sub-standard facilities.  It’s a pain in the ass to get a taxi home.  Right now I seriously struggle to say anything nice about it.