London – The basics

Need something to alleviate my boredom, so figured I’d post!  This topic may drag on over several posts over time.  This is just the first.

My favorite place on earth (so far).  London.

Getting there?  From overseas you’re likely to land at Heathrow.  There are the other airports like Gatwick or Stanstead or London City.  The only other one I’ve ever landed at is Gatwick.  You can get the train from Gatwick into the city or get the bus to the city or Heathrow if you need to transfer.  People have this weird belief that everything in London is close by.  Gatwick is not near Heathrow or the city.  Heathrow is right on the outskirts of London.  The express train from Heathrow to Paddington takes about 15 minutes each way and costs about £30 for a return ticket (£25 or so one way).  Getting the tube in from Heathrow is much cheaper (Zone 1-6 all day ticket is about £6 or something I think, I have an Oyster Card, so I don’t pay much attention), however the tube takes about an hour to get from Heathrow in to the centre of London and is always packed to the brim and is therefore a pain in the ass when you have luggage.  It comes down to personal choice, but I will always choose to take the express train over the tube from Heathrow.  It might be more expensive, but it’s just so much easier.

Getting around?  The tube.  Best thing ever.  If you’re going to be in London for more than 2-3 days, buy an Oyster Card (card that you use to tag on and tag off when you get on and off that you “top-up” with extra credit when required).  It saves you having to buy tickets every day and works out considerably cheaper in the long run.  Buses are also a great way to get around, just be mindful of getting on the right ones, otherwise you could end up in some of the less glamorous parts of town (unless that’s your aim of course)

Where to stay?  I’ve done this at both ends of the market.  Just to make things clear, staying in London is not cheap no matter where you stay.

From the budget end, I’ve stayed at the Piccadilly Backpackers in Piccadilly Circus.  It’s a rat infested hole (ok, so not literally rat infested, but you know what I mean).  I’ve stayed in some nasty hostels around the world, but this one takes the cake.  Me and a mate booked a private room (bunk beds) for a several day stopover in London at this place  about 2 months before our scheduled travel.  No problems, got all the booking confimations and everything.  Contacted them a few days before our arrival to confirm (since we were arriving at 2am) and everything was great.  Arrived at the hostel to check in only to be told they’d given our room away to someone else and that we’d have to spend the night in a 12 bed dorm.  No refund.  So despite paying £60/night for the twin room (AU$150 for the both of us per night), we ended up having to spend 2 nights in a 12 bed dorm room and got no money back from them despite it being their f-up.  The bathrooms were filthy (and even for a hostel they were filthy).  The staff were rude and incompetent on a whole new level.  The internet room was barely operational.  The only good thing I have to say about the place is it is in an awesome location.  The Piccadilly Backpackers would be a last resort option for me if all the other hotels in the city were booked out.

In the mid-range I’ve stayed at the Royal National Hotel in Russell Square.  I admit the first time I stayed there was prior to my Contiki tour.  But I didn’t hate the place and I have stayed there since on my own.
Cost £80 (AU$200) a night for a single room.  But it’s clean, you get your own bathroom and it’s not that noisy.  You get a semi-decent breakfast.  It’s about a 10 minute walk to Oxford Street.  It’s just around the corner from the British Museum (which I love by the way).  Or you can get the tube from Russell Square tube station which is close to the hotel.  If you’ve not got the money to spend on staying at the nice end of town, this place is actually pretty good.

At the nice end of town, I’ve stayed at the Ritz and Claridges.  Both start at £250+ (AU$600) a night.  But they’re nice hotels.  Really nice.  Both are in the Soho-West End part of London.  Close to the theatres, shops, everything that is awesome about London.  If you’ve got the money, I recommend staying in this part of town at a nice hotel.  It’s what London is all about.  The old-school charm.  The included breakfast can be a bit average, but that’s not why you stay there.

What else comes under the basics?  Eating?

Indian food.  No joke.  London has the best Indian food I’ve ever eaten in my life (though sure, I’ve not actually been to India yet).  It’s funny watching the Aussies eat London Indian food for the first time.  What you consider to be really hot Indian in Australia is more mild-medium in the UK.  Hot in the UK is like really really really hot.  It’ll probably give you the shits (literally) the first time you eat it, but you get used to it pretty quickly.  Suggest ordering the mild stuff to start with!  I much prefer to eat at the “hole-in-the-wall” type places in London.  Tends to be where the locals eat and it’s cheap, but good food.  I don’t think I’ve eaten anywhere particularly fancy when I’ve been in London.  Did high tea at the Ritz once, but I thought it was overrated and the food really wasn’t my style.  Worth the experience, but I didn’t think it was all that.  British food really isn’t as bad as people say it is.  It’s stodgy type stuff, but I don’t actually dislike that.  It’s a matter of personal taste I guess.

There’s also the matter of shopping, going out, what to do, all that other fun stuff.  But it doesn’t come under the basics.  Will post more later.

Cairns-Port Douglas and Beyond

So skipping the northern fruit bowl and the towns along the way (Ingham, Mission Beach, Innisfail, Tully)…You eventually hit Cairns.

Best way to get to Cairns is to fly.  Domestically, from Townsville, Brisbane, Sydney, Perth, possibly others.  Cairns also has an international airport with most flights arriving from SE Asia or Japan.

Cairns was designed for tourism.  The place absolutely reeks of it.  I swear there’s more Japanese speaking retail sales people than there are English speaking.  Duty free shops on every corner.  Souveneir shops in between.  I don’t like it, but then, I’ve never really been a tourist there.  I’d drive up for a visit when I was living in Townsville from time to time, but none of that mass market tourism thing ever appealed to me.

The foreshore in Cairns consists of mudflats and more mudflats.  They’ve tried to pretty up the Esplanade (waterfront) by building a waterpark.  That’s fun, but it still doesn’t take away you can see and smell the mudflats right next to it.  Sorry, but the waterfront in Cairns is ugly.  And smelly.

Hotel wise, I prefer not to stay in the centre of town, but rather up in the northern beaches.  It’s quieter, more relaxed and less touristy.  It’s only a 10-15 minute drive along the highway into the city from there anyway.

Things to do in Cairns?  Shop.  Go out on day trips to the islands or the reef.  Head up to Kuranda and go on the Skyrail (which is actually fun, but expensive).  Shop some more.

Or 90 minutes drive up the road you hit Port Douglas.  It’s sort of a mainland version of the Whitsundays.  Tourist central.  Lots of beach resorts.  Golf resorts.  Like most of North Queensland, the tourism is based around the Great Barrier Reef, so day trips out to the reef or the nearby islands are common.  It’s nice, but maybe a little pretentious.  At any rate, the drive from Cairns to Port Douglas is pretty spectacular.

Further north still you hit the Daintree head on.  Lots of rainforest.  There’s a few eco-lodges up there.  It’s totally amazing.  It’s all national park, so it’s largely undeveloped and untouched.  Really hits home how awesome and how bizzare nature can be though

Once you head much further north of Mossman Gorge you’re really heading into the bush.  It’s an awesome place to go camping, but infrastructure is minimal, towns can be 500km apart, and you should make sure you have a satellite phone and a 4WD

I once went all the way up Cape York Peninsula with some mates.  It’s extreme and it was fun.  But not something I want to do again.  You’re too far from civilisation.  It sounds childish, but I like my creature comforts.

And that makes my trip up the Queensland coast complete!  I might eventually get around to posting something about my outback adventures.

Townsville

Now what do I have to say about Townsville? 

Nicknamed Brownsville due to the fact that it rains much much less than just about anywhere in North Queensland and as such most of the landscape is pretty dull and brown.

Getting there?  Fly in from Cairns, Brisbane or Sydney.  I think there’s a few flights a week in from Melbourne as well.  It does have an international terminal, however it’s currently not being used.

That aside?  Townsville is nominally considered the capital of North Queensland.  It’s the biggest city in the region.  It’s home to one of Australia’s largest Army bases.  It has its own university.  It’s got pretty decent infrastructure.  It’s got a major shipping port (and they’re in the process of building a big cruise ship terminal).  It’s really a normal (big regional) city, it doesn’t revolve around the tourism market.

That being said, there is tourist stuff.  You can do day trips on the big cats out to the Great Barrier Reef (and it’s actually nicer there than the day trips from the Whitsundays because there’s less people visiting).  You can do extended reef trips that focus on diving.  You can do trips out to the SS Yongala wreck to go scuba diving (which incidentally was the site of my most scary diving experience…being circled by half a dozen sharks like I was dinner on a dark shipwreck).  You can do driving trips an hour up the road to Crystal Creek/Paluma.  Which is awesome in summer after its rained and all the waterfalls are running.

And there’s Magnetic Island (Maggie).  It used to be purely residential there, but they got their shit together and it’s now a pretty good tourist destination.  There’s resorts of all types from the luxury to the backpackers.  Getting there, you can either catch the passenger ferry (runs frequently, 20 minute ride), or you can put your car on the barge and take your car over.  If you choose not to take a car, the most common way to get around the island is to hire an open topped Moke.  They’re a riot.  Or there is a public bus.  Or you can hire bicycles and stuff as well.  You can go bushwalking (and if you’re lucky you might see koalas up in the trees).  You can lounge around on the beaches.  You can hire jetskis and go on a trip around the island.  You can go for a horse ride along the beach Horseshoe Bay.  It’s all pretty fun really.

Townsville city itself is a bit dull.  But like I said, it was never designed as a tourist destination.  It’s slowly trying to transform itself, but it’s taking time.  The nicest place to stay in town is the Jupiters Hotel and Casino which is on the breakwater just outside of the CBD (10 minutes walk).  It’s got pretty amazing views over the Coral Sea and Magnetic Island.  The casino itself basically takes up the first floor, it’s a bit small, but hey, it’s still a casino right?

A note of caution from someone who lived there though.  Be careful going out at night.  Don’t go out on your own in the city.  While the situation there has improved exponentially, there are still racial tensions which are very much bubbling away at the surface.  I have seen people physically attacked for telling one of the natives they didn’t have a cigarette to give them when they tried to bum one.  Or white people being called white trash for no particular reason.  Don’t make that put you off going out or visiting the city.  Just be aware of it.

Another thing.  North Queensland gets inundated with irukanji and box jellyfish every summer.  These things can and will kill you.  In summer, if you want to swim in the ocean, you either need to wear a full body stinger suit or you need to swim only in the stinger net enclosures.  The locals joke constantly to visitors that “if it’s cuddly and cute it can probably kill you.  if it’s ugly it can probably kill you too“.  It’s a joke to scare the tourists.  But I have to be honest and say it’s probably not far off the truth.  There are snakes and spiders that can kill you.  There is marine life that can kill you.  There are crocodiles around that can kill you.  Just be careful.

And if you’re really energetic, go for a run up the goat track on Castle Hill

The Whitsunday Coast

Well what can I say?  Probably one of the most stunning places I’ve ever been.

Getting there?  There’s an airport in Proserpine that Jetstar/Virgin flies to.  You can get transfers from Proserpine to Airlie Beach.  Or there’s an airport on Hamilton Island that the major domestic airlines fly to.

I’ll start at the coast and head out from there.

Airlie Beach?  I lived there for 6 months at one point for work.  Great place!  Backpacker central really.  It’s a reasonably cheap party town.  That being said, there are 5 star resorts in the area as well.  It caters to pretty much both ends of the market.  Airlie Beach (+Shute Harbour) is sort of the gateway to the Whitsunday Islands.  You can catch the big cat out to the reef for the day from the Marina.  You can catch ferries out to South Molle Island or Hamilton Island.  You can hire a yacht (+crew if you don’t know what you’re doing) and go island hopping on your own boat.  Though that does require you to have some boating proficiency if you go without hiring crew.  Generally if you have a boat licence they’ll let you hire one.

I’ve been to many of the islands, but I’ll just list the major ones that I can remember the most about.

Just a couple of notes…Many of the Whitsunday Islands come under serious national park classifications.  The marine park authorities enforce rules about being allowed on certain islands.  And there are very serious rules about fishing in the region.  If you’re going to visit and make it a “do it yourself” type holiday, then make sure you get the relevant information from the authorities so you know where you can and can’t go and where you can and can’t fish and what you can and can’t catch.  The fines for breaking the rules can run well in to the tens of thousands of dollars.

Hayman Island – known for its luxury 5 star resort.  Pure relaxation and luxury here, with prices accordingly.  Not cheap, but if you’re on your honeymoon or money is no object, definitely worth the experience.  It’s stunning.  Much of the island is untouched paradise.  Lagoons, empty beaches, forest walks, lazy days by the pool with the cabana boy bringing you drinks!  The resort will organise transfers from the mainland for you.

Hamilton Island – More family oriented.  Big high rise hotels, its own airport…It’s a little like the Gold Coast of the Whitsundays.  Glitz and glamour I suppose.  Personally I think the island used to be stunning.  However with all the development and massive tourist numbers over the last couple of decades, the place has become a worn out hole.  The reef surrounding the island has been wrecked through run-off from the resorts and massive tourist numbers.  Which means that at low tide all you see are mudflats and broken dead coral reefs.  However you can still catch a ferry out to the Great Barrier Reef direct from Hamilton Island to see some less damaged coral and see all the amazing reef fish and stuff.  The resorts are nice, but still your typical island/beach resorts.  It’s not cheap, but it’s certainly not as expensive as other islands in the region.  Getting around the island you can hire a golf buggy.  Seriously, that is how you get around the island!  There’s lots to do: from sitting on the beach, to lounging by the pool, to shopping, to day trips to other islands or the GBR, to going bushwalking, to playing a round of golf.  It’s not my preferred island to visit, but it’s a great family holiday destination!

Whitsunday Island – Nothing.  Which is why I love it.  Whole thing is national park, so nobody is allowed to develop on the island.  There’s no resorts, no hotels, no shops, no nothing.  Pure pristine tropical island!  Only way to get there is by private boat or by charter boat.  You can go picnic on Whitehaven Beach with nary another person in sight.  Possibly my most favorite island purely for the fact that there’s nothing there.

South Molle Island – Sort of a budget family holiday island.  The last time I was there I think I was about 14 or so, so what I have to say is from the point of view of a kid!  They had mini golf.  They had this awesome resort with tons of stuff for kids to do, a pool with a waterslide and everything!  I don’t recall the hotel being all that spectacular, but like I said, it’s a budget type resort.  You can hire out paddleskis and stuff.  You can go hiking around the island.  You can bum around on the beach.  As a kid, I loved it.  But then I always was more into the nature and sightseeing than I was in to “I want to go to the amusement parks”.

Hook Island – Home of Manta Ray Bay.  Truly one of the most awesome experiences of my life.  Going diving with huge manta ray’s in Manta Ray Bay.  They’re these huge gentle giants and are in massive numbers in the area, mainly in winter.  And you can go diving with them!  Or if you can’t dive, you can always just go snorkelling, which is almost as awesome!  There’s these huge Maori Wrasse to go swimming with.  There’s underwater caves.  Probably one of the most amazing dive sites anywhere in the world.  There is a hotel on the island.  Budget accommodation (though it’s not crap either), but really, who cares?  The scenery and the diving make up for it!  And now I’m all depressed thinking about it and want to go back for a holiday!

Daydream Island – Another family island, but probably a little more upmarket than some of the others.  And it also caters to the “resort and spa” crowd.  Again, plenty of stuff to do.  Watersports like jetskiing and paddleskiing, snorkelling around the fringing reefs, lounging on the beach, lounging by the pool, hiking through the rainforest, mini golf…Probably not where I’d choose for a nice relaxing getaway, but it’s a fun island.

Really, the Whitsundays cater to almost every budget and every tropical island experience.  From the relaxing 5 star resorts to the camping out on the beach in your own tent.  From hiring your own yacht for a week or two, to taking a day trip out to the Great Barrier Reef on one of the big cats.

I love the Whitsundays.  I wouldn’t live there again, it’s too far from everything for my liking (though that is generally why people do want to live there in the first place).  But as a holiday destination, probably has to rank in my top 5 places on earth (so far).

The Queensland Central Coast

Fraser Island through to Mackay…

Fraser Island, home to Dingoes, sandbashing 4WD’s and a smattering of tourists!

Getting there isn’t too hard.  Fly in to Hervey Bay and catch the ferry from there.  Or drive to Hervey Bay and put your car on the ferry from there.

Seriously though, the place is great!  It’s a nice eco-retreat type holiday.  Stay in an environmentally friendly resort (or pitch a tent and camp out if that’s more your style).  Go fishing off the beach.  Go sliding down the huge sand dunes on an esky lid.  Go for rainforest walks.  It’s a nice leisurely getaway and not too far off the coast.

Just try and avoid the dingoes!  They have been known to attack people.  Don’t feed them if they come up to you or your campsite looking for food, it’s only asking for trouble.

Also while in the Hervey Bay region, if you’re there in winter, why not try a whale watching tour.  The humpback whales migrate north from the Antarctic for the winter.  Hervey Bay is one of their primary haunts at that time of year for breeding.  Many companies run tours during the Australian winter to go out and see the migrating whales.  They won’t let the boats get too close, but it still makes for some spectacular photography and is something you’ll always remember.  If you’re there at  that time of year, I definitely recommend it!

Moving north again…Rockhamton?  Average.  Medium sized regional city.  Largely dependent on the mining and agriculture sectors for sustainability.  There’s a few islands off the coast that might be worth a visit like Great Keppel Island.  Been a few years since I went there, but GKI is a nice place.  Very relaxing, not overly built up.  Worth a weekend there if you’re in the area though.

North again?  Mackay.  Sugar cane farming!  And…Sugar cane farming!  Mackay is also sort of a jumping off point to the Whitsunday Coast, which I’ll be posting about next.  It’s also the place to go if you want to head out to Brampton Island (which is just south of the Whitsundays).  Been about 15 years since I was on Brampton Island, but at the time it was a smallish family type resort island.  One of the funniest things I recall seeing was a whole flock of rainbow lorikeets go flying in to a freshly cleaned clear glass window.  In hindsight, probably not so funny because some of them got injured.  But at the time you couldn’t help but laugh.

Lots of national parks in the Mackay region like Eungella NP.  So if the bushwalking eco-tourism type thing is more your style, then Mackay is a great home base for it.

And slightly north again we hit Proserpine/Airlie Beach and the Whitsunday Islands!  Next post!

Brisbane and the Sunshine Coast

Short post here.  I’m not a huge fan of Brisbane.  I’m from Sydney.  I dislike the place by default.

That being said, refer to this post about my thoughts on Brisbane airport and getting in to the City.

I’d recommend staying in the City.  It’s really the only area I’ve spent much time.  Even so, I find the city a bit boring.  Fortitude Valley is the place to go for a party.  Shopping is pretty much limited to Queen St Mall and a few side streets.

Things to do?  Well really, sport is what the place lives for.  Rugby league fans should go see a Bronco’s game or a State of Origin game if you’re there in June/July (GO THE BLUES!).  Rugby union fans should go see the Qld Reds play.  Football (soccer) fans should go see the Qld Roar play.  Basketball fans should go see the Bullets play.  Cricket fans should wait till summer and go and see Australia play.

Beyond that, I find the place a bit boring.  The best thing about it is its proximity to the Gold and Sunshine Coasts.  Sorry!

The Sunshine Coast?  I like it, but I have to be honest and say I’ve not been there for about 10 years now.  So I can’t really give much info.  From what I’ve seen, the place has changed drastically since I was there last, so anything I knew about it is now totally out of date.

Getting there is just a short drive north of Brisbane.  There may be other infrastructure in place by now though.

That being said…It’s got a few awesome surf spots like Alexandra Headlands or Noosa (if you’re not quite as adventurous).  Australia Zoo, which was Steve Irwin’s baby, is also located on the Sunshine Coast at Beerwah.

There’s also golf resorts and beachside resorts and lots of other resorts.  It’s a good family getaway type place.  A slightly more relaxing getaway than the Gold Coast!

The Gold Coast

I’m probably a little more kind to Queensland since I lived there for quite a few years

I’ll start south at the NSW border and move north!  First up, the Gold Coast.

The Gold Coast?  Flashy, expensive, over-the-top, glitz and glamour.  But an absolute riot!  Imagine Las Vegas on slightly less steroids.

Getting there?  Fly in to Brisbane and catch the train down.  Not kidding, that really is the easiest and most convenient (and cheapest) option.  Get a taxi (or hire a car) from the train station when you get there.  You can always also hire a car from Brisbane airport as well if that suits you better.

I lived there for a few years and it’s changed a lot.  The coast used to be full of beach bum surfer guys wearing boardshorts, wifebeaters and a pair of thongs carrying a surfboard under one arm.  It’s now full of Prada wearing, cafe latte sipping yuppies with their crackberry attached to their ears.  A sign of the times I suppose.  It’s not all bad though.

The Gold Coast still has some of the best surfing in the country.  Kirra, Duranbah, Southport Spit.  All still go off!  If you’re there in early March, the Quiksilver/Roxy Pro passes through town as a part of the ASP World Tour.  You’ll get to see the best surfers in the world do their thing.

And there’s nothing really wrong with the glitz and glamour by the way!  Just be aware of it since it can be a bit “in your face”.  It’s not understated luxury, it’s generally very gaudy, “look I have Louis Vuitton logos plastered over every single thing I own” type luxury.  To each their own though I suppose.  I find it tacky.

Best places to stay?  Anywhere in Main Beach, Surfers Paradise or Broadbeach.  They’re the most centrally located suburbs for all the tourist stuff.  Either way, you have a quick walk to the beach, the shops are nearby, and you’re located near the nightlife!

What to do?  There’s SeaWorld, DreamWorld, Wet n Wild, Warner Brothers Movie World, Currumbin Bird Sanctuary, cruising up the Broadwater, jetboating, parasailing, playing golf…It’s a tourist mecca.  If you can think it up, you can probably find someone to organise it.

My suggestions?  Do a day trip out to the mountains and go bushwalking!  Put on a pair of walking shoes and walk along the beach from Burleigh Heads all the way up to Southport (and back if you have the energy).  Stop along the way and check out the shops and parks along the beachfront.  Sticking to Surfers Paradise is boring.  There’s much more to the Gold Coast than the theme parks and the shops in Surfers.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that of course, I certainly can’t deny having done that stuff in the past.

Queensland is relaxed, although on the Gold Coast dress standards for going out are maybe a little higher than you might expect.

Things to avoid?  My advice is don’t go in late November or early December.  This clashes with “Schoolies Week“.  “Schoolies Week” (which actually runs over a few weeks since different states finish on different dates) is the annual pilgrimage of teenaged recently graduated high school students to the Gold Coast for the country’s biggest school break-up party.  There’s always problems with drugs, violence and excessive drunken behaviour.  If that’s your thing, then go for it.  The locals try to use the first week of Schoolies to get out of town since that’s the worst time.

It really is a great place to go for a holiday if you’re after a really full-on experience though.  There are resorts where you can go to relax, but lets be honest?  If you’re going to the Gold Coast, you’re really going for a party!

Perth, Australia

From the perspective of a long term visitor.  I’m loathe to admit I have lived there

Seriously though, I really don’t like the place.  Before I temporarily relocated, I’d visited Perth a few times for work.  Didn’t have anything particularly bad to say about the place then.  Now it’s another story entirely.

Got plans for a Sunday?  Better cancel them!  Unless you’re in the CBD or in Fremantle, everything in Perth is shut on a Sunday.  Even in Fremantle you’re hedging your bets.  Sunday trading in Perth is effectively banned by the state government.  And they won’t be changing it any time in the near future since the new state government ran on the platform of not changing the law.  Even better (for those of us who are forced to live in Perth) is the fact that there’s no after hours trading either.  Want to go grocery shopping after 6pm and you’re living in fantasy land.  Everything shuts at 6pm during the week, end of story.  So shops are shut after work and on Sundays, that means you get to go shopping with 1.5 million other people on Saturday!  You really have to love it!  Not.

Getting a taxi?  Don’t hold your breath.  I’m not joking.  It’s not uncommon for taxis you’ve ordered to simply not show up.  It’s not uncommon to have to wait 2-3 hours for your taxi to show up after you ordered it.  It’s not uncommon for the taxi driver to have zero idea where they’re going despite having in-car GPS.  It’s not uncommon for taxi drivers to take the long way when you have no idea where you’re going so they get a bigger fare out of you.  If you pre-book a taxi the night before you have to fly out of Perth because you need to be at the airport by 5am, don’t rely on it showing up.  I almost missed a flight recently because of that happening.  If you order multiple taxis, confirm it at least 5 times.  I have missed a flight before because someone ordered 2 taxis because there were 7 of us and only 1 showed up and we got stuck waiting for the second one which never turned up.  I actually have missed business meetings before because taxis that were ordered never showed up.  The blame for this lies squarely with the taxi company who doesn’t want more licenses issued because that means less income for the current crop of drivers and taxi owners and the state goverment who won’t force the issue and issue more taxi licenses against the taxi company’s request.  It screws over both the locals and the visitors to the city.  Not exactly a good way to get people to return.

The costs?  Perth is exhorbinantly expensive, whether you’re visiting or living in the city.  Business owners, hotels, real estate agents all assume that everyone who’s in Perth is earning a mining wage of over $100k a year.  Be prepared to pay accordingly.  Eating out reasonably cheaply (excluding fast food joints) you can expect to pay upwards of about $30 a head.  Eating out somewhere nice, expect to pay upwards of about $80 a head.  Eating out somewhere really special, upwards of about $150 a head.  Excluding alcohol.  A night out clubbing in Northbridge/Subiaco, expect to pay $100+ in club entry fees and a few drinks.

A hotel?  Upwards of $150/night.  Backpackers I’m not sure on exact costs.  And book in advance.  It’s extremely difficult to find hotel accommodation in Perth.  There’s regularly navy ships in port in Fremantle from Australia and the US.  They’re known to book entire hotels out.  Perth is also the base for many fly-in/fly-out workers to the mines.  They need hotel accommodation when they’re in town.  Perth is also always hosting major conferences.  There is a genuine lack of hotel accommodation in Perth, so if you don’t book in advance, be prepared to wander the streets for quite a while to find somewhere with a room.  I learned this lesson after missing my flight when I was visiting one time because of the taxi not showing up at the same time 2 US naval ships were in town.

Housing costs?  You can’t buy in the greater Perth area, anywhere, for under $300k.  And even then you’ll be stuck out in the boonies with a 45-60 minute drive in to the city.  To live anywhere near the city you’re looking at about $500k minimum.  Renting you’ll be looking at a minimum of about $350 a week for a 1brm apartment to live anywhere near the city (minimum 6 month lease).  Goes up exponentially from there.

The people?  Idiots.  Well not everyone, just the locals.  People who’ve moved to Perth from elsewhere are ok.  The locals just seem to have this weird sense of entitlement.  They’re incredibly arrogant and will tell you to “f*** off back to where you came from” if you say anything remotely negative about their state in front of them.

Whatever you do, do not insult both the West Coast Eagles AND the Fremantle Dockers AFL teams.  You have to support one or the other.  Otherwise “you can just f*** off back to where you came from”.  And never admit that you think AFL is crap and you follow another code of football.  I did and now there’s people who won’t talk to me over it.

All that being said?  Perth has a few redeeming features.  The beaches are great!  Rottnest Island is awesome.  Margaret River is only a 4 hour drive south.  And Singapore is only a 5 hour flight away (yes, it’s quicker to get to Singapore than Brisbane!).

Heathrow

For all the criticism that Heathrow cops, I really don’t think it’s that bad!

I’ve been through all the terminals there at some point in my life.  But seriously, it’s not nearly as bad as everyone seems to think it is.

So I admit that I’m a dual national.  I have an Australian passport and a British passport.  It’s the benefit of having 2 British parents!  It does make life easy when heading to Europe.  No long queues at immigration and no harassment by the immigration people asking me what I’m doing there.  I’m usually through immigration in under 5 minutes at Heathrow.

My bags have never gone missing even at the new T5 *touch wood*.  Sometimes they’re a little slow to come off the plane and hit the baggage carousel, but it’s not that bad.  I’m usually off the plane, through immigration, got my bags and on the Heathrow Express train to the city in under 20-25 minutes.

On the way back through Heathrow on the way out of the UK?  Checking in can be very slow and painful.  However I’ve found that depends entirely on who you’re flying with.  BA is sheer hell (and by default so is Qantas since they share the same check-in counters).  The lines are enormous since BA flies everywhere from Heathrow and you’re queuing up with people going to all far flung corners of the world.  However, flying JAL or Singapore Airlines etc. and you’re fine since they’re more or less just going to one destination.

Security screening?  There’s lines to clear security, no question about it.  But they move reasonably quickly and they’re efficient.  Not had a problem at any of the terminals before.

Shopping?  Awesome!  With the crappy exchange rate, shopping in the UK for Australians isn’t cheap to start with.  So getting stuff duty free at the airport is always a bonus.  The range is pretty good too no matter which terminal you’re at.  There’s plenty of food outlets of all descriptions.  There’s a few bars/pubs.  There’s plenty of souveneir type shops.  There’s plenty of luxury goods shops. They have all the usual suspects and then some!

Just a reminder to the Aussies who have to transit in Asia on the way home though…Wait till you hit Singapore/Bangkok/Kuala Lumpar/Hong Kong or wherever to buy your duty free alcohol.  They still have that rule in place about liquids on flights and you’ll likely get it taken off you at the airport in Asia when you go through transit screening.  It may have been relaxed a bit in Singapore from what I noticed recently, but I know it’s most definitely still in place in Hong Kong.

Flights leaving on time?  I don’t think I’ve ever been on a flight that’s left on time anywhere in the world.  Heathrow lives up to its reputation and is no exception.  From my experience, it’s no better or no worse than anywhere else though.  That being said, if you have to transit somewhere from the flight that leaves Heathrow, make sure you have 2-3 hours before your next flight leaves.  It does happen.  Sometimes you’ll only leave 15-20 minutes late.  Sometimes it’s a couple of hours.  I was on one flight that got held up last year because it was originally delayed for 30 minutes because it arrived late from elsewhere.  Then there was this older Muslim woman who thought that because the plane was late it meant that it must have had some kind of mechanical problem(s).  This woman then refused to board the plane because she thought it was going to crash, and she was in first class too!  I would have gladly taken her seat!  The BA staff and her travelling companion tried to explain the situation and talk her around, but she still refused to board the plane.  So due to security laws in the UK, that meant that the aircraft had to remove her luggage from the cargo hold.  By the time we’d gone through all of those fun and games, we left 2.5 hours late.  Luckily the layover I had in Singapore was 4 hours!

I admit that Heathrow has its problems.  But I don’t think it deserves the terrible reputation that it has.  It’s no worse than most other major international hubs.  Personally I think that LAX is the worst airport on the planet.  It wins that title hands down.

Cairns Airport

The site of my funniest (also most frustrating) run in with immigration officials.

When I was still a university student, one of my relatives in the UK passed away.  I flew over for the funeral with my mum, though we both ended up on separate flights because we booked on such short notice and everything was full.  I never gave it a second thought.  Returning back to Australia we both landed at Cairns airport within about half an hour of each other.  Sheer coincidence.  Problem is, I have an Australian passport and mum doesn’t.  Chaos ensued when I got hauled up by immigration officials, yeah, me, the one on the Australian passport got hauled up.  Got the whole “are you travelling with anybody?” speech.  I said no, since mum and I were on separate flights.  Mum said yes because by pure chance we’d run into each other at the immigration counters.  Not to mention I’d written on my arrival card that I was a student.  Why lie?  I was a student!  But then I get “how can you afford to fly to the UK for only 5 days in the middle of semester if you’re a university student? What were you doing there?“  I know they’re just doing their job and all, but honestly.  If I were trying to smuggle drugs or something, I would have come up with something much more original.  How do they know I don’t have rich parents to pay for this stuff?  And imagine my joy at having to drag up the fact I was there for a funeral of a family member.

It’s a very small terminal.  Shopping is limited to a duty free store that sells alcohol, cigarettes and beauty stuff.  Electronics type gear was practically non-existant.  There was a single food outlet.  And there was a tacky souveneir type store.  If you want duty free stuff and you’ve been in Cairns/North Queensland, buy it in town.  There are 50 million duty free shops in Cairns city that sell all your usual luxury goods/watches/jewellery.  Just claim the tax refund on the way out at the airport

Cairns airport is also relatively close to the city.  I’ve never had to catch a taxi out there myself, but I expect it wouldn’t cost much more than $20-25 or so to get a taxi from town.  And the domestic terminal is literally right next door.  It’s about a 5 minute walk from door to door.

Quarantine at Cairns is a bitch though because it is dominanted by tourists and not business people.  You get all these Asian tourists trying to take samples of coral and fruit whatnot in and out of the country.  Holds everyone up all the time.  I know they’re just doing their job and that it’s better to be safe than sorry, but it’s incredibly frustrating when you don’t have anything to declare and you just want to get out of there.

It’s my understanding that there is a Qantas lounge at the international terminal.  I’ve never used it though, so I can’t really comment.  If it’s anything like the one at Cairns domestic terminal though, it’s probably quite small with minimal facilities since most business people fly international through Brisbane and not Cairns.

I don’t hate the airport because of all of that, but it’s certainly not one of my preferred transit points.  It’s too small and it’s boring.  If you’re only there for an hour, it’s probably fine.  But when you’re transiting and have a long layover, it sucks.